Hello, my pets.

Where have you been all my life? What's that you say? I'm the one that fell off the earth? What.ev.er. I've been here all along. Perhaps it's time to reset expectations. You see, I am lazy. Laaaazy, laaaazy lazy. Especially when it comes to publishing my court jester-like antics here for all the world to see. That's not to say that I have suddenly morphed into a well behaved, quieter, more submissive-like lady...oh noooo. I still have an enormous mouth, a penchant for a good martini, and a well honed ability to piss off even my best of friends. Funny really. It's been months since I have written anything here, and truthfully, not a damn thing has changed. Woo! I am nothing if not consistent in my insanity.


I haven't had the best week of my life, and so I am fairly gnarly and grumbly today. So I am walking into work this morning, and I say "hello" and "how are you" to the lovely, silver haired security man. He replies that he is fantastic, to which, I immediately snort that he is a liar and shut up, he's at work, so there's no way he can be fantastic. And then he says to me:


"It's ALL fantastic."

With a sincere smile on his face.

And you know, usually, I am not the type to get all introspective and spiritual and gooey about comments like that. I am more likely to brush him off and think (in passing) that surely - he is on happy pills, and please God, someone call his therapist and ask him to arrange for a lower dose. Because that's all we need around here - pleasantness - when I am trying to be pissy. But whatever - his jovial smile DID make me all introspective. And gooey (but totally in a good way, of course).

Get out of the gutter and up onto the curb with me, sicko's.

So it's the lovely, silver haired security man's fault, kind of, that I decided to write a wee bit of an update here. Because he's happy. And I should be happy. Because look! Look what's going on:

I got me a new niece this year. She is so cute and I want to sprinkle her in powdered sugar and eat her RIGHT NOW. I would post her picture, but I fear my BIL would beat me until I was dead, dead, dead.

I am going to my first ever [edited because I am lame - let's just say it's a defensive class of sorts] class tonight. Yes. You heard me, and no, you were not mistaken. I am a left-wing gun toter. I recognize this is rare. But rare can be good, no? Have you ever put a big fat schmear of strawberry jam all over your grilled cheese sandwich? Rare...but ohhhhh so good. That's me.

I just got back from my second trip to India, and this time, I SAW THE TAJ MAHAL! Oh yeah...uh hu...alright!!! I'm not sure why this wasn't on my list, but it should have been. It was stunning, and breathtaking, and stunning. Totally stunning. And I am basically speechless from how stunning it was. Here's a picture or two:

I have come to a new conclusion. I wanna be one of those people that "works to play", instead of one who "lives to work". Not that I really ever lived to work, but you know - I did have to wrangle a Cornell-matriculated New Yorker or two over the last couple years of corporate madness, and phew! I almost got sucked into that. You know the philosophy I am talking about - the one that says "you will work eleventeen hours a day in your pointy toed shoes and become masterful at the ways of office politics so that one day...one day - you will be the first female CEO of the company and fulfill your life long dream of firing anyone who ever got in your way!!! Mwahahahahaha!!!". I have had a recent epiphany - I AM NOT CUT OUT FOR THAT SHIT, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

I have made a HUGE, life altering decision. And some day soon, I might "out" myself and tell you what it is. Or change my mind, because, well, it's my decision and I'll cry if I want to. And no...I did not decide to be a lesbitarian. Or a vegetarian, for that matter. I like my meat way too much.

So there it is, in a nutshell*. It's all I got. Mwah!

* There you go, Ironclad-IT. Your turn!