Could anything be more boring than watching low quality video snippets of driving through the streets of Mumbai? Oh. That's me - always up for the "most boring blogger" award. Just pretend that I duck (duct?) taped you to a chair, wedged some toothpicks into your eyes so that you didn't miss a second, and I'm making you watch my vacation slides against your will. Or that I am making you watch my grass grow. Same thing, no?
But really, this is one of the better videos that I was trying to post last night. Stupid blogger.
Phew! No - I am not still stuck in airport hell, although I have to say, I thought I would never get out of there alive. Let's just say I have been feeling a slight, um, allergy to blogging as of late. Perhaps it's the heat. Or maybe it's because I have been working 8,742 hours per week, all while trying to bully contractors into finishing my backyard and my basement. Actually, if you want a really good visual to go along with that, picture this - me with my hair ratted out to Zimbabwe (or maybe a few well placed chunks missing), running around in circles whilst my arms flail about wildly and I scream bloody murder.
Yeah. That'll be a good representation of me right now. Waaaah!
Oh. And we mustn't forget that my ex-husband is coming here to get some things out of my garage tonight. *Please God, grant me the grace that will be required to stop myself from ripping off his bits and shoving them down his throat.*
Hmm. Did I say that out loud? Someone pass the wine, please. To go with my whine. And maybe some cheese too. That would be great, thanks.
So let's see. I had all of these other things about India to share, but since I am lazy, let's just go with a small snippet of video footage I captured with my wee camera. I was really trying to pinpoint the essence of what it's like to drive on the streets of Mumbai, but frankly, most of my clips make me carsick to watch...so, apologies in advance if that happens to you. This is one of the best ones - try to imagine, if you will:
...that it is usually much more dangerous and exciting than this. And yet? I didn't feel scared while I was in the car. In hindsight, I'm thinking now that I probably should have put my seat belt on.
...that driving there is a little like playing "Frogger" - there is no concept of lanes - just the skill involved with racing around rickshaws and the forty-eleven thousand people that litter the streets. Oh! And making turns across traffic by butting in front of anything that might be in your way. Remember that little concept we have here about the "right of way"? Hahahaha. What's that again? I might need a little re-training now that I am back.
...that you will be travelling through the swanky streets, but they won't stick to you like the few sad, dirty slum roads you traverse - you know, the roads where you might see a small child peeing in the street while his father brushes his teeth over the pile of poo their cow/goat/dog just crapped into the gutter. Except, now that I think about it, there's really no gutter.
...that honking your horn is a courtesy - it's like saying, "hey man, I'm on your left, lemme by." And in response, you would tip your hat (or maybe that's just what we cowgirls do) and smile instead of flipping the bird.
...and that your chances of being rear ended are like 9 in 10. Or whatever. I don't have the wicked fast math skills required to figure out the real chances, but we did get hit TWICE while we were there. Mere 'taps' to the bumper and such. I am not sure I would have wanted to be raced to the neared hospital via an exhaust encompassed rickshaw. They would have had to strap me to the top with bungee cords.
Probably that last bullet should belong with the first. Ach - whatever.
UPDATE: this is the crappiest video I have, but stupid blogger won't upload any of the others. Let's see if your imaginative skills really work with the few tips I provided above.
Ahh, India. I love you and hate you at the same time. Maybe I'll come back again someday, but if I do, you better have put a spit shine on the Taj Mahal, 'cause that'll be my first stop.
I'm a massively sarcastic (but not bitter?) divorcee...with an opinion about everything and a penchant for sharing said opinions at the most in-opportune times. These are my very random musings.
