Trained Assassins

I have this new theory - work with me here, as it's a work in progress...which means this is pretty much a salad of random, unorganized thoughts - thrown into a big bowl, sprinkled with a smidgen of reason and several pinches of emotion, then tossed into a big goo of undefined nothingness. What more would you expect from me, right? I aim to please.

Ahem.

Here's my theory in a nutshell:

Women, by nature, are total workplace assassins.

You are probably thinking that surely, she jests! We all know I think the women of our time are pretty damn happenin'. Because, duh, we totally are. But I've also observed this...this "thing" - a behavior that we employ against each other that really sticks in my craw, and kind of undermines the whole "women's lib" deal. Since I always have to put a box around everything to make me feel better - allow me to elaborate. Or draw:

Figure 1: Female work colleagues at war over who does what, and how it should be done, and whether or not they might get credit for it in the end anyway. Note the skilled use of the bow and arrow whilst wearing heels, and the precision aim of the one wielding the gun. She shakes her fists in contempt as she screams, "Blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!"

But seriously. The theory.

As a group, we rant and rave about workplace equality - we insist we won't stand for anything less. We claw our way up the ladder just like men do, and we rejoice when we get ahead - even by a little bit, and even if it's not our sole goal in life to climb the corporate ladder - I mean, if that's not your goal, surely a little respect and recognition is needed on occasion, right?

Instead of supporting each other in our chosen workplace endeavors, we seem to pull out the figurative knives, the guns, and booby traps when one of our kind is having more success than we are...even if it is just a vague perception of success. Instead of patting each other on the back, we seem to take it as a personal affront when someone else is recognized and we aren't. We start to resent each other. We stop communicating certain things - it's almost as if we want to hold our cards close to the chest for fear that some other female colleague might catch wind of our plans and exploit them for her own advantage. Instead of helping each other to succeed, we launch office place grenades, and then try to see who is still standing once they've detonated and the damage can be assessed.

Sometimes, I think this behavior is unconscious, and perhaps tied to our personal psychological viewpoints and life experiences. For example, I've observed that some of us try to apply "rules" to our jobs - like work and the way it is done has an unbending status quo that must be adhered to at all times. On the flip side, there are those of us who are unable to fathom that there has to be a set of black and white rules that MUST be unbending, unchanging, and non-flexible.

When 2 or more of these specimens meet at work, all hell breaks loose.

We gang up on each other if we are a part of the "majority rules" group like wolves on the hunt - or like that whole "alliances" thing on Survivor. We sniff around for any weakness we can find and when conditions are right, we attack. Perhaps we hold back on a promotion recommendation...or we refuse to share information - our standard reply to a query might be something like "go read it/figure it out yourself!". We forget about tools like "constructive criticism" or "communication"; we might deliver messages with undertones of superiority or try to use humor to make snotty jabs.

Whatever the case, it's like there's this "threat meter" running in the background of our minds, and when someone doesn't follow our way of thinking, or gets kudos for something we don't think they deserved - we instantly go into sniper mode. We stop crediting each other for creativity, we don't allow for the fact that not everyone lives by the same set of rules; the same mantra, whatever.

For a prime example of this behavior, go here. As you see, I am a trained assassin myself.

Perhaps we hate feeling judged and found wanting. Or perhaps we help ourselves to a helping of "justified contemptuousness" to dull the pain.

Whatever the case, it is my considered opinion that we are our own worst enemies.





What say ye?