Narcissism at its Finest

I usually hate those email quizzes that you fill out about yourself and then forward to the entire universe. "What's your favorite bath soap and if you could meet anyone before you died, who would it be?" and la di da. However, the other day, my sister sent me a quiz with a twist: instead of answering the questions about myself, I had to answer them about her - to see how well I know her, or whatever. And actually? It was kind of fun.

Here are the answers I sent to her...about her. How about we have a contest? Because I am all narcissistic and all, how about you all answer these about me, and I'll post them here? And you know, I'd be happy to do the same for you. Then - just think! We'd have built in blog material for days, and maybe even something to cackle about. And I'll give $1 to the answer that cracks me up the most.


1. Where did we meet?
On a cloud in heaven, whilst eating cotton candy and listening to God's administrative assistant make the "who's family will you be in?" assignments. You threw your candy to your feet when they called your name and yelled, "Eh! Why do I always get the broken ones?". Interestingly enough, this endearing trait came through with you to earth and has manifested itself every Christmas morning since you were born.

2. Take a stab at my middle name:
Jo-sepphy? Jocephus? Jo-Jo Gadget?

3. Do I smoke?
Heavens no!

4. Color of my eyes:
Your eyes are like the untouched, crystal pools of the melting polar ice caps. Or the sky on a crisp January morning - the kind where there is no inversion sludge or pouty rain clouds to muck things up. Unless you have consumed 75 beers the night before, and then they are like those cheap after-dinner mints you get at Sizzler. And I can say this even though I am not the least bit attracted to you.

5. Do I have any siblings?
You have 2 of THE MOST EXQUISITE - nay - MOST ENCHANTING and PERFECT sisters of life. Truly - could you have had any better luck that morning in heaven when you thought you were getting the short end of the stick? I think not.

6. What's one of my favorite things to do?
If you could make a living playing "Guitar Hero" from your living room floor, you would be the Donald Trump of video game addicts. Aside from that, you love to go camping, like to cook (which, BTW - what are you making me this Sunday?), and also like rescuing cats and dogs a la "Doris Day" and her modern day animal rescue compound.

7. What's my favorite type of music?
You will never deny your deep-seated love of Country music, no matter what the rest of the world says, I think because it must be part of the family genetic makeup.

8. Am I shy or outgoing?
The Magic 8 Ball says you are shy. But that? That's a lie. You are the loudest, most talking-est human ever to walk the face of the earth.

9. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?
Hmm. To which rules do you think the survey refers? You are responsible - pay your bills, go to work, don't cheat or lie; but you don't allow yourself to be boxed in by any theocratic rule, and you are happy with that. Some might say that makes you a rebel. Seriously though. Who cares what they all say?

10. Any special talents:
You used to be able to do a real head spin when you were about 4. And you always win the "who-can-scream-the-loudest" contests. And then there's that one thing... [Editor's note: It would have been too cruel to publish that "one thing" here. The niceness factor of my personality just made a rare appearance.]

11. What am I most adamant about?
I can't conjure up anything specific from the archives of my brain, but I can testify that when you get an idea in your head, you will see it through regardless of how insane, impractical, unruly - whatever - it may be. This is most definitely a result of that day in heaven I mentioned earlier - you (and the rest of your blessed family) were also standing in the "pig-headed/stubborn" personality trait line the same day.

12. How many children do I have?
None, so far. But never fear! My psychic powers tell me that at least 6 are on their way.

13. Thought or memory when hearing my name:
There could never be just one thing that enters my head when your name is mentioned - there are just too many lovely things to choose from.

14. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that I would bring?
Your hubby (and let's see, perhaps he would say a bottle of Bourbon in answer to this question? That way you'd have everything you need!).